Anxiety - Matthew 14

I didn’t intend to start every sermon in this series with a personal story - but last week and this week, it’s just what occurs to me. Today we’re getting into the series “The Forces That Control Me” and we’re going to be talking about anxiety. Now if you go back two, three years - anxiety was incredibly difficult for me to talk about, because, full transparency - I’m not a very anxious person. I have seasons of stress, like everyone does, but I never lost sleep over it. For a long time I served as a pastor in the United Methodist Church, 9 years in 2 wonderful churches. And what you need to know about the United Methodist Church, for all their flaws, they take really good care of their pastors. There’s something called guaranteed appointments. And what that means is that once you are ordained as a pastor - you will always have a job. Even if your church closes, they’ll move you to another one. Health insurance is required from every church, and they provide a parsonage - which is a house for the pastor to live in. It was a very comfortable church to be a leader in. Cushy almost. If you’ve watched the news, maybe you saw some of the stuff about how the United Methodist Church made some big changes to their theology recently. And I won’t go into it, but I knew those changes were not something I could be a part of. I loved my church very much, still do - those are good people. But my conscience required me to resign. Now these things don’t happen overnight - I had some time. But the truth was that my resignation put me on the chopping block. I had a few months before I lost my paycheck, my house and my health insurance for my wife and our four boys. Maggie came later. For the first time in my life, I experienced true anxiety. I couldn’t sleep, and guys - you need to understand, I am SO good at sleeping. Like, I am truly a rock star sleeper. I go down, and it’s just blank. I don’t toss and turn. I don’t stare at the ceiling for hours. I don’t get up to pee, nothing. I get in my bed, maybe I read a little bit of my book, and then boom - it’s curtains until morning. Until I resigned. Then suddenly I couldn’t sleep. I would toss and turn for hours. There were nights when sleep simply did not come. I’d try for a few hours and then just get up and go into the living room. Go fill out some applications or something. Just sit there and freak out - what’s going to happen to us? What’s going to happen to the church? Is it all my fault? Could I have done something different to avoid it? I had my first experience with true anxiety and I gotta tell ya - I didn’t care for it. It was in that season that I first connected with Brian - but it wasn’t the right season. Zero Collective didn’t have any openings at the moment, but he assured me he’d keep my number. I’m so thankful he did.

But if I had to guess - I bet most of you in the room have had seasons of anxiety in your life. Maybe it’s money thing - where you had to make a repair on your car, and that affects rent and you’re not sure how to make it until the next paycheck. Maybe it’s a family thing - where you stay up late most nights worried about when the prodigal child might come home, if they come home at all. Maybe it’s a work thing - you hate your job, or struggle with a co-worker and you know your family depends on you, but you’re not sure how much more of this you can take. If you’re a student - the pressure of classes, of friends, of popularity and a need to finally figure out your life. Or medical concerns - that hits us all. Maybe for yourself or someone you love - the hospital visits, the waiting, the uncertainty, and then even when you finally get answers it cycles back around to a money thing as you panic about how you’re going to pay for all of this nonsense. Anxiety gets its hooks in most of us at one point or another. But let me reassure you from the start - God’s word has incredible good news for every anxious nerve in our bodies this morning.

So if you want to grab your bibles, today we’re going to be diving into Matthew 14, which is a pretty famous story. But while you’re looking that up, I want to set the table a little bit before we eat. The story we’re going to dive into is when Jesus walked on water, which is down in verse 22 - but I don’t want you to miss the larger rhythm of what’s going on - because it’s going to be important later. The chapter opens with John the baptist - Jesus’ cousin - getting beheaded by King Herod. And it’s a horrible tragedy and a loss of a family member for Jesus, and in verse 12 it says, [read v.12-13]. Jesus heard this bad news, and his first response is to withdraw to a solitary place. And then the people find him, and he has compassion on them and hangs out with them - healing everybody. And then there’s the miracle of feeding the five thousand people. And I know I’m painting over massive parts of amazing stories - but my point is not the story but rather what happens between the stories. Jesus gets bad news - withdraws to a solitary place. Jesus feeds 5,000 people with one basket of food, probably one of his most famous miracles, and then look what he does in verse 21 [read v.21-23a]. Jesus gets good news and does an incredible miracle - and again he goes off by himself to pray. And that’s where the story of the walking on water occurs. Two incredible miracles, and right in between them, Jesus stopped to spend time with God. This shows us something so, so important. Time away with God, whether that’s quiet prayer, reflection, worship, devotions - whatever it looks like - time away with God in this distracted and roller coaster culture, those moments are actually tiny acts of revolution for your spiritual walk with God. Whether you’re getting bad news or performing miracles - time away with God is the constant that can bring peace into the storms of your life. 

It keeps going in verse 23, [read v.23-26]. Alright, when I was younger I used to make fun of the disciples. They see Jesus, and they cry out, “ah, it’s a ghost.’ Like, how dumb do you have to be? But then I looked a little closer, and actually - I think they’ve got some good reasons to be scared. First of all - the waves. It says the boat was considerable distance from the land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. They’re rocking around in this dingy, and it’s like 3 am. It says, “shortly before dawn” in my translation - but basically they’re in this storm in the middle of the night, in the middle of a lake and they don’t exactly have flashlights. BUT, I learned this recently - there’s more to it! Apparently Jewish people at this time would refer to the depths of the sea as “the abyss” and there was a tradition where they believed that was a place where evil spirits dwelt. These are fishermen, right? And in their line of work - storms would blow up, and ships would go down never to be seen again. And so most of the time they assumed that evil spirits were what caused storms. And so if you’re in this world, with that superstition living all around you…it totally make sense that they would poop their pants when they see a dude coming across the water. 

But then, in verse 27, it says [read it]. Now there’s three pieces to this, and different translations will switch them around a bit - but they’re all in there. 1. Take courage. 2. It is I. and number 3. Don’t be afraid. And this is actually incredible guidance for how to handle fear and anxiety in our lives. That’s practically a three step process right there. IN that moment of reassurance for the 12 disciples, Jesus gives us instructions for how to deal with things. When something happens, when anything happens, walk through Jesus’ words. Take Courage. It is I. Don’t be afraid. It keeps going, [read v.28-29]. That is the most impressive verse in the entire passage. Let me explain - the important part of the story is not where Jesus did something amazing. Jesus did lots of amazing things, but Peter? Peter is just a regular guy. The fact that Peter walked on the water shows us that the power of Jesus, the power to work miracles, the power to do unlimited things in this limited world - that same power is available to us. The miracle of this story is not that Jesus walked on water, but that PETER walked on water. And Peter is one of my favorite examples, because he’s an absolute goofball. Like, I know he becomes famous or whatever later - but during Jesus’ ministry? He’s such a screw up! He’s so eager to follow Jesus, but he’s always too enthusiastic, and he doesn’t always think things through and he just makes so many mistakes. That’s why he’s one of my favorites - because I look at my life, and I look at goofy Peter and I think - same, I get that. If Jesus can do incredible things in Peter’s life - he can do the same in your life. But the walking on water doesn’t go very well for long. 

[read v.30-31]. Two things I want you to realize here. First of all - there are WAVES. It’s 3am, the disciples are in trouble, there’s wind and waves - climbing out of the boat is a little bit of a crazy thing to be doing. Think about this - a lot of people imagine walking on water as walking on a flat surface in broad daylight. But that’s not what the story says, that’s not the image we’ve got in front of us. There are waves, there’s a great wind - walking on that’s got to be worse than trying to walk in one of those bouncy houses. We took the Center Students to Rebounderz this past Sunday, it’s like this trampoline park over in Jenison, and it was so much fun. But let me tell you how humbling it is, when you fall on one of those giant pillows and you’re struggling to get out because what you’re walking on keeps going up and down. Walking on the water, in the dark, with waves all around. Second thing I want you to realize is that it is the moment that Peter takes his eyes off of Jesus that he begins to sink. His ability to do incredible, impossible, logic-defying miracles is directly connected to keeping his eyes on Jesus. When he saw the wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.

Jesus asks Peter, “Why did you doubt me?” And I feel like, again, Jesus is not just speaking to just his disciples in that boat all those years ago - but these words echo through the ages into our hearts in the modern world. Why did you doubt me? Every time I see someone go off all doom and gloom about the news, or the church, or the moral fabric of our world falling apart - oh no, what are we going to do, panic, panic, panic - I hear these words - Why did you doubt me? Do we really believe that there is any human plan or device that can stop the work of God? I was challenged by a friend this past week to spend an hour praying about anxiety. Just to sit with it and keep a notebook nearby. What makes me anxious, where am I doubting and struggling? And I came up with a whole bunch of stuff - my family, this church, my people pleasing need to be liked and my fears that people will abandon me. And I remember struggling with my anxieties, because God never promised to take away the things I am afraid of. For Peter the waves are very real. There’s a good chance that while Peter was walking on the water, he was getting soaked. The waves are still there. I still have to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. My children are young and adorable now, but it’s rubbing off quick. And they may not have any medical complications at the moment - but they got a whole big long life in front of them where something could happen. But I’m sitting there just listing my anxieties and this scripture verse came to me, let’s put it on the screen. 1 Peter 5, verse 7. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” And so I just started this process where I was unloading all my anxiety onto Jesus. I’m casting it off my shoulders, because I know you care about me God. It was a healing practice for me, maybe it could be for you too. Carve out an hour this week. Sit with your anxiety. Then once you have named it, cast it onto the God who cares for you. 

The story ends in verse 32, [read v.32-33]. I want you to pay attention to the use of the word “truly” in this verse. In other translations it uses the word “really” You really are the son of God. Truly you are the son of God. It’s almost like they can’t believe it, like they are asking - is it really you? Are you really God? When the disciples are faced with the reality of Jesus their first response is to collapse into worship. If God is really God, if he’s actually out there and able to do these incredible things - he is worthy of our worship. Our complete and total devotion. Think about what Peter said just a few verses before, “If it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.” So much of the problem here is that the disciples cannot believe their own eyes. They hope it’s real. They want it to be real, but do they dare believe the good news that’s staring them right in the face?

Let me ask you something, how many miracles do you think you would need to witness before you would believe that Jesus is Jesus? And if you were completely convinced - you saw the miracle, you’re completely convinced - how long woul that last before you would start to doubt again? Like, one of the most popular arguments for atheists is, “if you could just give me some evidence. If you could just prove it, then I would believe.” And yet I wonder what it would take to convince the fickle human heart once and for all that God is actually God and he cares about you and that’s all we need to know. I think about these disciples - they just got done watching Jesus feed 5,000 people with a tiny bit of bread and fish, and they had loads leftover! It was an incredible multiplication of food miracle, they just witnessed an amazing miracle and they didn’t believe. They needed a SECOND incredible miracle before they were willing to admit - you really are God. I think back to the Israelites in Egypt, when God freed them and all the things that God did. They witnessed with their own two eyes the ten plagues - rivers turning to blood, fire raining from the skies, the parting of the red sea - and yet not two chapters later in the bible there they are, doubting God again. And what I realized from the evidence of story after story in the bible - what we learn is that when you take your eyes off of Jesus, you begin to sink. Think about your life - how many times has Jesus come through for you? How many times has God been faithful and generous and walked with you through your valleys. How many times in my life has God provided, he has shown his love and care in my life over and over - and yet the anxiety comes. And what I realized is that part of dealing with anxiety and fear in our lives is feeding ourselves a constant string of reminders that the horror stories in our heads are not the truth - Jesus is the truth. 

The good news this morning coming out of God’s word is that Jesus really is Jesus. God is the point and purpose of everything we do. Jesus is everything he said he was and more. Jesus truly is the son of God, savior of the world. Do you notice what Jesus said to Peter? He didn’t say, the waves are going to go away. He didn’t say, the world was suddenly going to be rosey and not at all scary ever again. He said, “It is I.” He said, “it’s really me, guys.” The son of God and savior of the world cares about you. Sometimes in life Jesus will come in and he will calm the storm, but there are other times when Jesus, just with his presence in our life, he calms US while we are in the storm. Sometimes the waves stay, but what Jesus takes away is the fear. He takes away the anxiety. 

When we come face to face with that reality - that Jesus is actually Jesus, and he is for us - worship is the only possible response. And I think for a lot of us personally, we have been trying to live without that reality. In the story of Peter walking on the water, we are the OTHER disciples. Do you know what I mean? Our lives are being rocked by the waves of anxiety and fear, and we just want to hunker down in the boat. We just want to do this religion thing, to feel good about ourselves, to feel safe, and then go home. We just wanted a boat ride across the water, man. I just want to get to the other side. We don’t want to actively participate in the miracle of the divine presence of Jesus working in our lives. We don’t want to walk on water - that sounds like way more work. We think of faith and religion as a method used to get God to work for us, to get God on our side - rather than religion as an opportunity for us to serve the God who is worthy of worship. And because we have taken the focus off of God in our lives, and brought it down to just us - we have begun to sink. You take your eyes off of Jesus, you begin to sink. You know what Peter didn’t ask? Is it possible. Peter didn’t say, “Lord, if it’s possible, tell me to walk on water.” He didn’t say, “if it’s feasible, if it’s reasonable, Lord if it fits in the budget. Lord if the straw poll tells me that most people want it, tell me to walk on water. He didn’t say any of that. He said, “Lord, if it’s really you - tell me to come.” Jesus really is Jesus. God really is there, and with him all things are possible.

You know, I’m coming up on a year as the pastor of this church. My first Sunday was Easter last year, but last year Easter was in March - and we’ve done a lot of good things in this church. Transitions are always hard, and we’ve been going through some tough stuff. Some things are better, and I’m so proud of all the amazing things you all have been doing - but we’re still struggling with that budget. And when I got here, I looked at that budget and I thought - I can do this. I can turn this around. I have done this in every church I’ve lead - they were declining, and then I came in and did all my clever stuff and God blessed those churches and they started to climb back up. And so I came in thinking, “I’ve done this before, I can do it again.” And we’ve done a lot of things as a church, but all my anxiety in this church has come from trying to do it my own way. All my clever little strategies and belt tightening wasn’t getting it done. We’re stable but we weren’t growing the way I felt we should be. But I had a moment a week ago or so, and I think I’m going to be talking about this a lot. But I was praying, right out there in the lobby. And God showed me that my prayer over and over had been, “God, give ME the tools. Give JJ the resources to save this church.” And what I got from God’s presence was this sense that, “JJ, while you have been working to get this church back on track, trying to save the church - you’re sitting in my seat.” I came to this church in my arrogance thinking, “I’m going to save this church” and I have been trying to sit in the savior’s seat. And God said to me, “Get out of my chair.” The movement we are about to see in Center church - it’s not going to be me. It has to be God. In the story of the revival of Center Church, when we look back years from now on how far we have come - people will not say, “JJ came in and saved the church.” Whatever’s coming, it’s going to be something that only God can do. I’m just excited to sit in the front row. 

Do you have that in your life? Are you taking on a burden that was never yours to carry? Are you trying to sit in God’s chair? I will be the one to save this situation, to save this person, to fix this problem. If that’s you - hear me, no judgment. I’m right there with you, I try to sit in his chair all the time. And now that I see it? I’m trying desperately to get OUT of his chair. I’m spending a lot less time trying to be clever and a lot more time in prayer - just casting my anxiety on Jesus. Does your anxiety and your fear about the future - does it come because you’re trying to solve the puzzle without God? Do you need to take your anxieties, your stress, your burdens and just cast them on Jesus? Don’t let them control you anymore. Keep your eyes up - don’t focus on the waves. Peter got out of the boat and walked towards Jesus, but it wasn’t until he saw the wind and the waves that he began to sink. Waves are anything in your life, or in this church, that takes our eyes off of Jesus. If you are going to do something incredible with your life - there will be waves. Make no mistake, the waves are there - you might even get wet. But if you want to walk on water, don’t focus on the waves. The waves are real. We don’t float above the waves of this world, we walk between them. But I guarantee you, we will do it better if our eyes are on Jesus. Think about it this way - does fear or anxiety change what we are instructed to do? Jesus never said, “follow me only when the sea is calm.” Jesus never said, “love your neighbor, only when it’s convenient or you’ve solved all your other problems.’ He said, “Get out of the boat, in the midst of the waves - come, and walk on water.”

So let me send you out with this. 1. Keep your eyes on Jesus, but also remember Jesus’ words when they were afraid. He said, ‘Take courage, It is I, Don’t be afraid.” Ask yourself - do you believe that Jesus really is Jesus? Do you believe that you have been given this place and this time to do the work of God, of making the world a better palace? I want to challenge you today - don’t let the fear of what tomorrow might bring change the reality of your life right now. In your life, are you hunkering down in the boat, hoping to weather the storm until the waves have passed? What if, in this place, we decided to get up and get out of the boat. To walk on water. To believe that Jesus is Jesus and that if we keep our eyes up, we can do anything God has for us. 

Last week we started a season of prayer and fasting. We’re calling everyone in our church to pray. We’re praying for the Zero Collective - asking for guidance on what’s coming in the future. We’re praying for this church - we’re making some big decisions coming up, and we want this to be a movement of God, not just a pastor. And we’re praying for our own lives - what’s coming up, what God is going to do. We’re entering into this time of prayer together. And on a separate note, I want to encourage you all to give fasting a try. You can start small - maybe skip a meal. Skip lunch one day, take that lunch hour or half hour or whatever and spend it in prayer. Or if that’s too easy, go big - take a whole day, and every time you get hungry say, “I am hungry for food, but I am hungrier for you Jesus.” I’m not going to sit in your seat anymore. If it really is you, I’m going to cast all my anxiety on you. And to help you with this prayer challenge - we actually have daily prayer prompts that we can send you. We’ll post some of them on social media, but if you would like to get a text every morning of the prayer prompt - there’s a sign up in the lobby. We won’t use your number for anything other than to send you a daily prayer prompt, like the one we used before. We send them once a day until Easter, a prompt like what we used earlier in worship. I’ve heard from multiple people even just this past week - there is a hunger for a deeper, more authentic connection to God, and it’s not going to start with me. It’s going to start with prayer and Jesus - so let’s pray.