Sex - John 8

I read a story a few years ago about a women’s conference - one of those inspiring, empowerment, self-help type conferences. The leader got up front and asked if anyone in the room of 200 or so people had ever been sexually or physically abused. Six or seven tentative hands went up. Then the leader instructed everyone to close their eyes, and then asked the question again. Then he told them to open their eyes - almost every hand in the room was raised. This is a quote from the story, “For a long time, most women defined their own sexual harassment and assault in this way: as something unspoken, something private, something to be ashamed of acknowledging. Silence, although understandable, has its cost.”

On October 5, 2017, the New York Times published a story on the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Maybe you remember that - when it came out, I remember thinking, “stories like that are so sad - when one man uses his power to hurt so many women.” And then I thought, “Thank God those stories are few and far between, and those men are rare and uncommon. But then, on October 15, 2017, one week later, actress Alyssa Milano tweeted a simple tweet that she actually copied from someone else but it said, “If you have been sexually harassed or assaulted write “me too” as a reply to this tweet.” The goal was to give people a sense for the magnitude of the problem. You might remember what happened after that. Thousands, and then tens of thousands, and then hundreds of thousands and then millions of women responded. Story after story after story came forward. Statistics are sort of meaningless in this sort of thing because so many people don’t report, don’t talk about what happened. But the me too movement pushed the problem into the spotlight and most of our culture was shocked by how common the struggle was. This wasn’t something that only happened in dark movies or CSI tv shows - it was happening right under our noses. And then, because people were finally talked about the issue - a thunderstorm of allegations against prominent men in our culture began. From Harvey Weinstein to Kevin Spacey, from Louis CK to Aziz Ansari, from democrat politicians and republican senators, artists, composers, producers, CEO’s - everywhere we turned the hidden shame of America was breaking through like a volcano - setting the world on fire.

And this goes way beyond stories of abuse and giant scandals with famous people - sexual desire is fairly universal to the human condition. Whether we come this morning as virgins, or as people who have experienced abuse, who have caused abuse, as people carry addictions to pornography or struggle with lust, or deal with sexual disappointment whether inside marriage or outside of it. This is something that touches all of us. This is a force that controls us, and part of that is that it’s not just about sex. It’s about attraction, how beautiful we are, or how beautiful we feel, how desirable we are, and we get that mixed up in our heads with how loveable we are. Did you know that 91% of women are unhappy with their bodies? Men too - male body dissatisfaction has tripled since the 1970’s. 76% of Christians have experienced shame from sexual sin. That’s 3 out of every 4 people in this room. And people who experience shame from sexual sin are 3 times more likely to disengage from a church community. 

I have to be honest with you - this is not a message I take lightly. There was a lot of prayer and worry that went into prepping this week. Not don’t get it twisted - I’m not worried about God’s truth, that’s always good news. But I AM worried that we are not okay with talking about this. We have lived in a culture of suppression for so long. We, especially in the church, we have built up an expectation that what you are supposed to do is take your dirty little secrets and cram them into a little compartment in the back of our hearts and pretend like we are not shattered people. In the church, we prefer general words like “darkness” or “hurt” or “valley” but we don’t like to name specific things. We don’t like to talk shame or sin or abuse. We are afraid to bring those things to light. And I think one of the reasons is that we don’t know how to talk about these things. We are afraid to mention things in public - because, what if kids are listening? What if they ask questions that I don’t have answers to? What if I have to admit my vulnerabilities? What if I have to admit that things in my life are not as shiny and clean as they seem? And so as we get into God’s word this morning - I want to make you a commitment. I am not here to bring shame into your life. I’m not here to condemn you. I’m not even here to embarrass you. If you will walk with me today through this text, I can show you that Jesus has an incredible response to this reckoning force in your life.

If you want to grab your bible, and head over to John chapter 8. I always encourage people to bring their own bibles and I make this promise - if you bring it, I promise we will open it. If you forgot yours you can grab a bible off the back wall, or just look it up on your phone - that works really well too. I’m using the NIV translation today, sometimes I switch it up between different translations, but NIV is what we’ve got today. Like all the stories we’ve been looking at in this series, this is a story of something that happened to Jesus - when Jesus came in and brought transformation to someone’s life. Let’s dive in, verse 1, [read v.1-2]. Pretty simple set up. We’re in the temple, Jesus is sitting down doing some teaching. But then, [read v.3-4]. The woman caught in adultery is a pretty famous story, and maybe you’ve heard it before, maybe you know it really well - but I want you to pause just a second and really think about what this looked like. Take a moment to imagine what this woman looked like. For some reason I always imagine her, like wrapped in a towel or a bedsheet or something. Hair all disheveled, as if they dragged her from the bed and went straight out into the public square. Now it’s a lot more likely she had clothes on, but with the way they drag her in front of everyone - she might as well have been naked, for all the stares and shame she was getting piled on her. This is truly a disgusting thing the leaders of the church have done. Not only does this woman carry the shame of her sexual sin, she cheated on her husband and she has to live with that shame - but then they drag her in front of a big group of people to discuss how they should kill her for it. Have you ever been so mortifyingly embarrassed and ashamed that you wished the ground would just open up and swallow you on the spot?

[read v.5-6]. So what they’re telling us is that they don’t even really care about what this woman did. They care about accusing Jesus. They are exploiting this woman to get what they really want. But what we’re going to see and this is one of the most important things I’m going to tell you this morning - Jesus never exploits the shame of sexually sinful people. That’s what the religious leaders do. And that’s what so many people in this world around us do. In fact, in our lives, maybe we do it. I heard a friend say last week, “The common sin of mankind is to punish the sins of others while hiding and protecting our own.” There is a temptation in each of our hearts to say, “look over there! Look at their sin, because if you’re looking at their sin, maybe you won’t see mine.” And because people do that, because people take our sexual brokenness and manipulate it, exploit it to push us down and make themselves feel better - because of that, we have learned to hide our sin. Hiding our sin has been around since the very beginning of the bible. The first thing Adam and Eve did when they realized they were naked. They felt shame and so they hid. But Jesus NEVER exploits the shame of sexually sinful people. If you bring your sexual sin to Jesus - he doesn’t exploit it, he doesn’t manipulate or twist the knife. He has a far greater plan for your shame - and I’ll tell you about that in a minute, but first, let’s figure out what on earth is Jesus doing.

[read v.6 again] It says, they were exploiting this lady because they wanted to have an excuse to accuse Jesus, but instead of responding to their little trap, he bends down and starts writing in the dirt. And there’s this whole moment with the Pharisees, where they know that the punishment for the jewish people caught in adultery is the death penalty. BUT the Romans do not allow the death penalty to be carried out by anybody else. So if Jesus says “she gets the death penalty” which by law is the punishment for her crime - then they can get him in trouble with Rome. BUT if he says no, then they can accuse him of being “soft on sin.” He doesn’t really care about holiness, he can’t be all that good. And so you can sort of imagine these guys, they’ve dragged the woman in front of everyone, they’ve laid the trap perfectly - and they’re probably looking at one another congratulating, “yeah, we’ve got him now boys, let’s see him wriggle out of this one- what is he doing on the ground?” He’s ignoring our trap! He’s drawing in the dirt! WHAT is he even doing? Now scholars debate what he was writing in the dirt. The bible doesn’t actually tell us, but there’s lots of theories. Maybe he was writing everyone’s names. Maybe he was writing out the Old Testament law that she has broken. Maybe he was writing out the sins of each of the people there? My favorite theory is that maybe he was just drawing a little sad face. Like an emoji in the dirt, sad. We don’t know what he wrote, but it doesn’t matter - because this is what he does, [read v.6b-8]. 

Now, here’s what you need to know in order to fully understand what’s about to happen. Normally, when people get caught in the act of adultery, there have to be witnesses. In this time period, there’s no taking a picture through the window, or catching the person sneaking out the next morning. People have to witness it with their eyes. (little sidenote: normally it’s a man AND a woman getting into trouble, which is some sexist nonsense that we’re not going to get into - but that’s also a part of this). But historically, the witness gets to throw the first stone. So these guys are poised. [heft up a few rocks]. I bet they brought some rocks with them. They are ready to throw as soon as Jesus gives them the signal. So when Jesus says, “let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone” he’s letting the air right out of their tires. 

And again, imagine what this woman is going through. She’s been dragged in front of all these people - ashamed, embarrassed, probably on her knees [get on your knees]. If I was her, I’d have my hands up - protect mt head. Her hair’s in her face, she can’t really see what’s coming. She is probably expecting the next sound to be a rock connecting with her skull. And in that moment, what does freedom sound like for her? Her sin, her mistakes, her shame, exploited by church leaders, brought her to this moment - but what would freedom sound like? [stand up. Grab a rock] [put verse 9 on the screen]. It sounded like this. [drop a rock. Then another.] What would freedom sound like, in your life? How many of us are living life, carrying rocks, hoping to throw them at someone else so that no one will notice our sin? We all carry the burden of shame, and for a lot of us - it’s tied to sexual sin. And we carry these rocks, and etched into the side is the words, ‘well, at least I’m not as bad as…” and then we write in the name of the person we’re going to throw it at. We are so willing to deliver shame if it means we can avoid feeling it. But Jesus never exploits the shame of sexually sinful people. You can bring your shame, whatever it is, you can bring your shame to Jesus. 

Watch this, [read v.10-11]. Jesus was the only one who COULD condemn her. Her sin was a horrible thing. Cheating on your spouse is wrong. She knew it, he knew it. And he was without sin - perfectly capable of condemning her. But instead he condemned her shame. He took her sin and gave it a death sentence. Jesus paid for the sin with the cross. He took her sin, nailed it to the cross - buried in the ground, dead and gone, so she could be raised to new life. Hebrews tells us that Jesus endured the cross, scorning its shame. The cross was supposed to be shameful, but Jesus turned it into something else - because that’s what Jesus does with shame. We have a habit of exploiting shame to make ourselves feel better - Jesus has a habit of destroying shame and transforming it into new life. I hope you know, you can leave here this morning completely forgiven. You can walk out those doors shame free, if you would just hand all your shame over to Jesus. 

You see, one thing I really want you to walk out of here understanding is that God gives us a better picture of sexual ethics than the world. Ever since the “me too” movement, there’s been this huge push in our culture to create a sexual ethic centered on consent. If it’s two consenting adults, our culture says - go for it. But then it’s gotten really complicated with trying to define “consent” - there’s power dynamics, and what if alcohol is involved, and it’s gotten so messed up - there are actually apps you can have on your phone that creates a legal document of consent that you can use at the beginning of a date to protect yourself. Do you think that’s what God had in mind when he created the beautiful idea of sexual intimacy? It goes without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyways - there is something seriously wrong with our culture’s version of moral sexual intimacy. God gives us a better picture of sexual ethics than the world does. Sex is God’s idea, and it’s a very good thing. God could have crafted the human race so that holding hands what the highest level of physical intimacy. But he didn’t, Mark chapter 10 verse 6, [read v.6-8]. Sex is a great thing for a married couple to have. Praise God for sex. Our culture has tried so hard to separate sex from emotion or separate sex from commitment, literally creating legal documents for consent but God’s outline for us is that sex should go together with commitment. Sex is the highest form of physical intimacy, you can’t get closer physically - and so God pairs that with the highest form of emotional commitment, with marriage and love. And this is all over the Bible, Proverbs 5 tells us, [read v.15-19]. God created sex, and in the form that God presents it - it’s supposed to be a good thing in your life, not a bad thing. It’s supposed to bring joy and intimacy between a husband and wife. Now, I promised I wouldn’t be explicit, but I’m just going to put it out there, if you want to see how excited God is about sex between a husband and a wife - go read song of songs chapter 7. The entire book is a love story between a man and his new bride, and he is uh, very inappropriate about it. He says something like, “I want to climb you like a tree and play with your fruits” and guys, I don’t think he’s talking about fruit. God loves sex, and he wants it to be a good source of joy in your marriage.

And I know - some people call that old fashioned. Some people want to leave behind the bible’s outline for sex - waiting for marriage, that’s so old school. And they’ll say, “nobody does that anymore.” But I did. And honestly? If what we find in the modern world and in this Me Too movement is any indication of the alternative that the world offers - I’m going to stick with the old fashioned way. God’s way. God offers us a healthier form of sexual intimacy than the world. He wants us to enjoy sex inside the covenant of marriage, and for it to be a blessing in our lives. 

But…what about when it goes wrong? I mean, maybe I got it figured out now - commitment is the way to go, but what about my past? What about the things I’ve done? What about the things I did to other people? What about the things other people did to me? Because sexual intimacy is the most intimate physical act out there, when it goes wrong - it goes very wrong. I’ve had conversations with people where they struggle to have any physical contact with anyone because of the things that happened to them in their past. I hear things like: I thought he was a nice guy. I thought I could trust her. We just made a mistake, one time. I feel wrong. Trampled. I take a thousand showers and I just never feel clean anymore. I’m so embarrassed. I can’t sit through a church service anymore. Maybe it’s my fault. I feel like I’m the only one in the world who is going through this. I mean, what does God even do with that? What does God think of me if I have been raped or assaulted? What does God think of me if I have assaulted someone? What does God think about my broken sexuality? My attraction to someone I should not be attracted to. I feel ashamed, dirty, defiled, broken. Will God still love me if I can’t forgive what they did to me? Will God still love me if I can’t even forgive myself? This world and its broken version of sexuality seems almost designed to destroy us. To control us. God offers us a healthier form of sexual intimacy, but what about when it all goes wrong?

Listen to me very carefully. God loves you even when it all goes wrong. God loves you when it all goes wrong. You see, sometimes in life we are like this piece of cloth. Maybe we start out okay, innocent, clean. But the world is a messy place. [smear paint on the cloth]. And even if we try our best, we can’t help but get a little messy. And the world is a violent place [tear the cloth]. And even if we try our best, we can’t help but get a little hurt. And then we try to put the broken pieces of our lives back together. WE try to find healing in the methods of the world that hurt us. We try to clean ourselves in dirty water. [dunk the cloth in a bucket of water. Get frustrated.] But no amount of scrubbing can ever make me feel clean. No amount of good deeds or time can ever erase the memory of what happened. I feel broken. I feel destroyed, like I can never be worthy, like I can never clean up my life enough to earn God’s love. If you have ever felt the weight of sin in your life - listen to these words. [put Ephesians 5:25-27 on the screen]. Christ gave up his life, to make you holy - not because you are holy. When you are in your lowest moments, filthy and destroyed by the broken world - I need you to know that this is the moment Jesus died for you. Jesus comes to us in our moment of pain, like the woman caught in adultery and kneels beside us, he wipes away our tears and he offers us forgiveness and a new life. We take our broken, filthy lives and we bring them to the cross, and God gives us a new life. [take the cloth and drape it on the cross and then take the clean white cloth]. We take the pain of sexual assault and all the lust and shame and humiliation or whatever broken sexuality looks like in your life that the world hands us, and we bring it to Jesus. We have nothing better to offer. Our sins, both the things we have done and the things that have been done to us, we bring it to the cross and it dies with Christ. We destroy our sins with Jesus on the Cross, we let the pain of yesterday go and we bury it with Christ - so that we can rise three days later with Jesus. Sometimes things that happen in life are so horrible that you can’t scrub yourself clean with good thoughts or being a good person. That’s why we need Jesus as our savior, not as our self-help buddy. [put Ephesians on the screen again]. In Jesus, no matter what has happened in your life, you are washed clean without a spot or wrinkle. God heals us. God redeems us.

I want to send you out with two challenges today. First, please - talk about this stuff. Teach your children about God’s sexual ethic. Talk about the mistakes you’ve made, and what you’ve learned in your life. I know there’s a strong desire to let children be innocent as long as possible, and I respect that - you’ll notice my children are not in the room yet - but we have to realize that they are hearing it in school and on tv and in movies earlier and earlier. If we don’t talk about these things, and we don’t teach them - they will get it somewhere. Teach a healthy sexual ethic to your children and to the men and women in your life. Women, your voice needs to be heard. Men, we have to be better than the example that the world offers. I know it’s uncomfortable. I know it’s not fun or even happy - but if we create a culture of shame and embarrassment about sensitive topics - victims suffer and abuse thrives. Teach your children about God’s healthy form of sexual intimacy and celebrate it. The first step is to talk about this stuff. 

Second, and this is probably the most important - bring the brokenness of the world’s sexuality to the cross, and receive a new desire from God. Whether you’ve been the victim of sexual abuse or not, whether you are currently struggling with addiction to pornography or not, whether you’re living in sexual sin right now, of you’ve left that behind years ago - bring it all to the cross. We bring our desires, the good and the bad, we bring our baggage, our pain, our abuse, and our history and our celebrations and our failures - simply put we bring ourselves to Jesus and he gives us a new life. And if you have never trusted in Jesus Christ with your life - today is that day. If you’ve been living with all this sin and shame piled up in your life, and you’re trying so hard to scrub yourself clean - to fix it all on your own, please…take a moment this morning and lift up your life and put it on the cross. Ask Jesus to come into your life and forgive you. Your shame wants to condemn you, but Jesus wants to condemn your shame. You could walk out those doors completely forgiven. 

In a minute, we’re going to hear a song called How Deep The Father’s Love For Us. And even if you’re not in a place to sing - I just want you to soak up these lyrics. It says, “behold the man upon a cross, my sin upon His shoulders; Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers. It was my sin that held Him there, until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life - I know that it is finished. And during that time, I want to encourage you to find space to pray. If you’d like to come forward and receive prayer, I’m going to stand off to the side right here, ready to pray - but if you need to stay in your seat, God can meet you there too.